I’ve been pondering how best to take care of myself Wednesday afternoon, after my first SO-DBT group meeting. Anxious doesn’t even begin to touch how I feel about this. At first, I was going to schedule a nice facial and massage for the afternoon. Pretty good my therapist said. Instead, I think I’ll go listen to the Dalai Lama teach “The Art of Happiness”. So much more fitting, no?
When I stop to think about it, what are the chances, exactly, that His Holiness the Dalai Lama would be giving a public talk in Toronto on the very day I start my dialectical behaviour therapy group? And the theme would be how to be happy? Thanks, universe. I took the hint and bought my ticket.
It’s never a bad day to listen to His Holiness.
My current sense of my day-to-day existence is feeling like I’m running down a big hill so fast I don’t know if I’m running or falling or both. Everything feels on the verge of being completely out of control. “Suicidal ideations” continue to arise endlessly. I continue to let them go.When I met with Shira for the group orientation, she told me that it is possible, with a lot of work on my part, to have a complete cessation of symptoms: no more suicidal thoughts, no more rage outbursts, no more self-harm. I started to cry when she said that. I simply had not believed that was possible. Now, I do. Not only is it possible, but I am determined that it will be my life.
Great faith, great doubt, and great determination. Everything anyone really needs.