Life These Days

Life these days has consisted of work, home, childcare, laundry, cooking, cleaning, sleep, repeat. My biggest challenge is simply adjusting to what most people in my social realm consider “normal” life. After so many years of living in crisis mode, I find the biggest issue I have to deal with is anxiety. My spirit is conditioned to expect the worst is sneaking up on me: a fist in the back as I’m washing the dishes or a cruel demeaning remark riding on the heels of a success. I’m doing fairly well at work—okay, so they gave me dinner out at the Keg and a movie gift certificate for doing a good job on my first manual for an ASIC product. I’m loving what I do and I really enjoy 99% of the people I work with. Even the 1% that I don’t actively enjoy are easily tolerated.

So why are my anxiety levels so high? I don’t really know. I could bump my meds up a notch again, but I don’t think that more pills are really the answer. I think the answer is to learn to enjoy my life, successful and happy times included.

My weight is growing, slowly and steadily. Not because my diet is bad—I actually eat quite well. It’s more that I have a significant emotional eating issues. I eat when I feel stressed. And I feel stressed a lot. Rather than turning to Atkins or some other diet fad, I think they real solution is to deal with my stress.

How? I’m writing more in my journal. I’m now seeing a chiropractor once a month. I’m looking into getting hypnosis. This last item is the one I’m most hopeful for. I’ve been through therapy, I understand my issues. That’s not what I need to address. I need to address the repetitive negative thoughts that spring forth, unbidden, into my mind. I think hypnotherapy can be an effective means of addressing them. Here’s hoping anyway.

I think I also need to book regular massage therapy appointments.

Last night, we used that Keg gift certificate (yum!) and I took Bryan to see “300”. Gory, violent, so obviously drawn from the pages of a most excellent graphic novel. I enjoyed it immensely. I have a thing for Greek history and mythology—the story is based on the battle of Thermopylae in anciet Greece. And behind the blood and gore, there were some intensely beautiful bodies to look at. (drool)  It was just fun. Bryan really enjoyed the deeper political implications: the refusal to submit to someone else’s idea of religion and the fight for freedom on that account. The cinematography was also most excellent. It looked like a graphic novel. Truly, watching it on the small screen would not have done it justice.Today, Brianna is going to a birthday party for 5-year-old twins at a local gymnastics centre. Fun!Yesterday, we stood in line for an hour and a half to submit our passport applications. Mine and Bryan’s are in, but I have to drive back to Whitby this week after I locate Brianna’s long form birth certificate. Apparently, if you’re not married when you have a baby, you need the longer document to prove parentage. Fortunately, I get to jump to the front of the line, so it may actually be doable on a long lunch hour.

So that’s where I’m at. Spring is a good thing.

2 thoughts on “Life These Days

  1. Hi! Interesting stuff, bareing your soul and all. Knowing something about my own issues of anxiety, depression, medicating:self-medicating, lots of self-medicating, through the years, I will tell you that your approach is good, or that those things worked for me. Exercise, taking care of your physical self, will help things along. Have you looked into Macrobiotics as a food regimen? Know that I am sending positive ki your way every change I get.
    Chuck in Toledo

  2. Hi Chuck!

    Thank you so much for the good ki! I just looked up macrobiotics on wikipedia and I’d say that I’m in harmony with the general principles, although not so much the specific percentages of foods or the other nitty gritty.

    I eat lots of whole grains; organic, in season produce; and locally-raised, organic meat. I’m working on increasing the percentage of legumes in my diet–last sesshin, there were some really yummy bean salad recipes that I’m trying to replicate at home.

    As far as diets, I avoid anything with the word “regime” in it. That said, I think it’s really important to “eat with the seasons” and eat local food. The farmer’s market is my friend.

    I’ll have to look into the new way of thinking about macrobiotics. There is definitely some stuff I can learn there. Thanks for the pointer!



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