evening thoughts

Night pulls in close around me. The winter wind sighs and moans its way through the gap in my windowpane. I don’t know how to relax into the spaciousness around me, I pull in and tighten, constrict, just a little. But tonight I choose to breathe into that constriction, to be with it, to be okay with it. I choose to be okay.

I choose.

Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance is this week’s DBT concept/practice/homework. Radical acceptance is the skill of accepting the things you can’t change, á la the Serenity Prayer. The radical part indicates that it is complete and total. The acceptance part is seeing reality for what it is, even if you don’t like it.

Radical Acceptance = “It is what it is.”

I’m coming to understand radical acceptance as a choice, a practice even. Whenever I see myself getting tangled up in non-acceptance (anger, denial, bitterness, self-pity), I acknowledge it and let it go, opening myself up to accepting reality as it is. Over and over again. This is called “turning the mind” in DBT-speak.

It feels like I have found a Zen practice group, except that they call it DBT and it is focused on borderline folks. There is other stuff in DBT that is not based in Zen, but cognitive therapy. But it really gets my notice that the chapter on dialectics in our workbook is entitled “Walking the Middle Path.”

Radical acceptance involves trust—trusting that the universe is indeed perfect and complete, just as it is. That I am perfect and complete: Jun (pure, immaculate, undefiled, perfect) and en (the enso—complete, total, encompassing everything). It’s right there in my name: Jun’en, perfect and complete.

Here’s to realizing that, over and over again, in the present moment. I could say I’m not there yet, but I am here and right now, here is sufficient. Even that is too much, even that includes judgment.

I am here. In that is everything.

And there was much rejoicing

We have successfully deloused our child.

I just got home from Pilates class and I feel great!

DBT skills seem to be kicking in—PMS time is almost over and I didn’t even notice that it was here.

My brain is starting to function a bit better with regard to the cognitive issues that I was having.

It’s raw and rainy here, but it’s November and it’s not snowing yet, so I’ll take it.

I hope everyone else had a good weekend.

Snow and lice

Two signs that the year is getting older and solstice is not far off: the first snowfall, which started about 10 pm. Serious scraping of frozen wet flurries stuck to the windows of the car were needed. The second sign is less picturesque: the phone call from the school at about 2:45 informing me that my child has head lice and can I please come pick her up.

Brianna was overjoyed to be going home from school early. We stopped at Shopper’s Drug Mart and got the stuff (pyrethrins-based shampoo, zinc creme, new headbands).

“Don’t kill it! I don’t want to hurt nature!” is what Brianna howled when I found my first nit in her hair. Unfortunately, I could not comply with her request to save nature. But I was impressed with her innate Buddhaness. Way to go kid!

Let me tell you, lice are not fun. Nasty shampoo, lots of detailed combing, and laundry out the wazoo. Pillows, pillowcases, sheets, hats, blankets, coats. Anything that touches the head gets cleaned. She got to bed around 10:30, Bryan and I around midnight.

Happy winter!