It’s been a while since I’ve posted and lots has been going on.
First of all, I can report that our trial separation has accomplished what it was supposed to: it gave both Bryan and I time to gain some perspective on our relationship and see where we were each responsible for creating the situation. Communication is critical, but if we are not clear on our own wants, needs, and responsibilities, we can communicate until the cows come home and still not address the real problems.
I’m deeply grateful that we both got clear on a few critical things. It gives our relationship new hope. It’s a good thing.
Work, on the other hand, is giving me fits. In the latest round of alignment with our new American overlords, “title mapping” was addressed. In short, because I am neither an engineer or a senior-level employee, I am no longer eligible for either bonus or stock options. Note that I was previously eligible for both and that my compensation reduction is purely policy driven. It’s yet another example of the cult of the engineer and I am fucking pissed off about it. I don’t know what to do. I am aware that there will always be something that bugs me about my job—I’ve been alive too long not to notice that one. But getting my compensation cut simply because my title does not map properly has seriously demotivated me. Why should I give a shit about them when, quite obviously, the corporation really doesn’t give a shit about me? In a way, it’s a very good reminder that I do work for a corporation and corporations don’t give a shit about anyone. They are not entities capable of caring. Humans care, and my immediate manager has been very supportive, but neither one of us are going to change the corporate mindset.
So, just as the corporation I work for has to keep its bottom line in mind when it makes decisions, so do I. Is my current position the best option currently available to me, for the good of my own career and my family? Just as the corporation has a fiduciary duty to its shareholders, so do I have a fiduciary duty to my family. Apparently, it took this slap in the face to remind me of this fact.
I guess, in a way, I can be grateful for that. Deluding myself that my company really cares about me is not good for me or my family. And they are my number one priority.