A New Perspective

One of my counselors suggested that I wasn’t the person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), my mother was. That was a couple of weeks ago. The idea has rattled around in my brain and, on Thursday, I picked up a copy of “Surviving a Borderline Parent”. Yeah.

I’ve called my mother evil. I’ve labeled her as selfish. I struggled to understand how she could have done all the things that she did. But I never really considered that her behaviour could be the result of serious mental illness. How odd. I was ready to label myself mentally ill, but not my mother.

It’s one of those moments when how you see everything changes. I think now I can begin to forgive her.

How To Communicate With Your Spouse, in Five Easy Steps(tm)

Each person has a turn at the following:

  1. Talk about the events that you have experienced–what happened?
  2. How do you feel about that event?
  3. What do you think is the meaning of the event; what’s your interpretation of why you feel what you feel?
  4. What did you do as a result? What action did you take? What behaviour did you exhibit?
  5. What, if anything, would you like to change? What do you wish would be different?

The other spouse listens with full attention, asking the above questions to help draw the other partner out or to help the other partner organize their thoughts and feelings around the event.

The listening spouse practices reflective listening, that is, responding with “What I hear you saying/feeling is __________. Is that what you meant?” Then the listening spouse gets his/her turn.

Wednesdays are Zen nights…

…starting tonight. I managed to abstain from smoking so that I could sit tonight. Whatever else is going on, I’m going to spend Wednesday evenings sitting two 25-minute periods of zazen with ten minutes of kinhin (walking meditation) in between. Starting at 7:45 pm and ending with the chanting of the four vows and three bows. Anyone care to join me?